WHEN KIDS SAY THEY’RE TRANS

   A GUIDE FOR PARENTS   

Being the parent of a gender-questioning child is confusing. There is a lot of advice out there, but parents instinctively feel that much of it is far from the best approach. And the stakes are very high if you get it wrong.

There have been many books written for parents who are facilitating a child’s gender transition, but almost none for parents who decide that social or medical transition is not the best option for their child.

When Kids Say They’re Trans aims to redress this balance. Written by three professionals working in the field – Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano and Stella O’Malley – it is explicitly a resource for parents who want their children to flourish, but do not believe that hasty medicalisation is the best way to ensure long-term health and well-being.

Parents who have successfully helped their children navigate gender distress without resorting to surgery and hormones have done so by authoritatively taking the reins, not waiting until they found the right therapist or doctor. When Kids Say They’re Trans recognises that you know your child better than anyone else, and will give you the confidence to trust your own instincts.

This Book Will Help Parents of Gender-Questioning Children to Answer These Questions & More ...

  • Are some kids “truly trans” while others are “just ROGD”?

  • What is Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria and why is it so controversial?

  • Can social media, YouTube or other trans-identifying peers “make my kid trans”?

  • What is the relationship between my child’s emerging sexuality and questions of gender identity?

  • I used to be a confident parent but this gender thing has completely turned my world upside down. How can I get re-oriented and trust my parental intuition again?

  • What does my child’s neurodivergence (Autism traits or ADHD) have to do with her gender-distress?

  • If my child was always gender nonconforming, does this have implications for the possibility of socially and/or medically transition?

  • What does the research say about social transition and my child’s long-term prospects?

  • How can I help my gender-questioning child to slow down and think more critically about his identity, body, and his life?

  • What do parents need to know to make informed decisions about medical interventions like puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and gender-related surgeries?

  • How can we work effectively with schools, therapists, and extracurricular programs that seem to push my child towards social or medical transition?

  • How does a child’s identity-questioning impact the family and what can be done to improve dynamics?

  • What decisions can we make within marriage, coparenting, sibling relationships, or with extended family?

  • Are there supportive alternatives to simply confirming a child’s new stated gender identity?

  • My own mental health has taken a nosedive; how can I support myself when I feel like we’re in parental “crisis mode”?

  • My adult child has suddenly decided to transition and I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing or losing the relationship with him. I fear estrangement. Is there anything I can do?

  • How do we manage conflict and power struggles with our child? What if she has very rigid ideas about how we should be supporting her identity exploration?

  • What are desistance and detransition and how can I help my child who may be experiencing one of these processes?

  • I’ve affirmed my child’s gender identity and now I want to slow down or row back. Is it too late?

  • "Parents of children who announce a transgender identity often find themselves in a world of confusion and contradiction. These brilliant, clear-eyed authors -- all with extensive clinical experience -- have written the emergency survival guide for families."

    — Abigail Shrier —

    Author of Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters

  • "This compassionate and evidence-based book is an essential counterbalance to the ubiquitous “trans child” narrative that has misled so many loving parents into unwittingly harming their gender-distressed children."

    — Helen Joyce —

    Author of Trans: When Ideology Meets Reality

  • “A wise and empathic resource for parents struggling with intensely difficult parenting terrain, based on the authors’ extensive expertise as therapists for gender-dysphoric youth. A godsend for lonely and anguished parents trying to do the best for their trans-identified child.”

    — Kathleen Stock —

    Author of Material Girls: Why Reality Matters for Feminism

  • "There is perhaps no subject today that is more complicated, fraught, and confusing than the sudden rise in gender dysphoria among young people. Parents encountering this issue for the first time will be hit with a tidal wave of conflicting opinions, theories, and “experts” that, however well-meaning, are guided by an incoherent and potentially harmful ideology. The book could not have come soon enough. Its authors are leading figures in the effort to bring sense and rationality to the conversation. Moreover, they are experienced clinicians who understand that gender dysphoric youth deserve meaningful psychotherapeutic treatment, not blind approbation on the internet. For any parent embarking on the gender journey, Is My Child Trans? should be the first stop along the way."

    — Meghan Daum —

    Author of The Problem With Everything: My Journey Through The New Culture Wars

  • "Sasha, Stella, and Lisa bring enormous warmth, insight, and intelligence to the care of troubled children and teenagers.This book is essential reading for all parents and professionals supporting young people struggling with the issue of gender identity."

    — Louise Perry —

    Author of The Case Against the Sexual Revolution

Now Accepting Pre-Orders

Meet The Authors

  • Sasha Ayad

    LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR

    While working as a school counselor, Sasha started her school’s first GSA (gay–straight alliance) to create a safe space for LGBT kids to discuss their evolving sense of identity and sexual orientation. She noted that, in some cases, gender dysphoria emerged after young people adopted a trans identity, rather than the other way around – especially following heavy social media and internet use. Ever since, Sasha’s private practice has been exclusively dedicated to teens and young adults struggling with issues of gender dysphoria and gender identity. She runs a robust parent membership group and is well know for her work as co-host of the popular podcast, Gender: A Wider Lens.

  • Lisa Marchiano

    PSYCHOTHERAPIST & CERTIFIED JUNGIAN ANALYST

    Lisa is a writer and Jungian analyst in private practice in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Noticing parallels between gender exploration and other social phenomena, Lisa began investigating what might be contributing to the rising number of trans teens. In her private practice, she has worked with parents of gender dysphoric youth, gender dysphoric and transgender young adults, as well as detransitioners regretting their medical gender interventions. Lisa has published writings in Quillette, Areo, and Psychological Perspectives. She is also a host of the popular weekly podcast, This Jungian Life, author of Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself, and serves on the faculty of the C.G. Jung Institute of Philadelphia.

  • Stella O'Malley

    PSYCHOTHERAPIST & DIRECTOR OF GENSPECT

    Psychotherapist and author of several books including the most recently released What Your Teen is Trying to Tell You, Stella maintains a private practice primarily dedicated to parenting, family dynamics, and teens. She also runs a parent coaching site for families impacted by gender-related distress.

    Stella is well known for her work in the 2018 documentary, ‘Trans – Kids: It’s Time To Talk’, and for being a co-host on the popular podcast, Gender: A Wider Lens. Stella is also the Founder and Director of Genspect, an international organisation that seeks a healthy approach to sex and gender.

There have been many books written for parents who are facilitating a child’s gender transition, but there are few if any books for parents who decide that social and/or medical transition is not the best option for their child. Many who have taken this approach have been vilified in the media and online. There have been few places where they could find support. When Kids Say They’re Trans aims to redress this balance. 

  • This is a resource for parents who want their children to flourish but who do not believe hasty medicalisation is the best way to ensure their health and well-being. 

  • This is a book for parents who would like to support their child’s exploration of identity but who do not believe it is advisable to concretise such exploration with irreversible drugs and surgeries. 

  • This is a guide for parents who affirm their child’s wonderful, unique personhood without believing ‘gender identity’ should be privileged over other aspects.

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